Category: Infertility awarness

Valentine’s Poem to My Unborn Child

Deboko1 Comment

img_1960It was Valentine’s Day and we had planed to go see a movie, then the flow came and that changed everything. 

I was tired, I felt deflated. I was just tired. Why couldn’t it wait another day before showing up. I wanted a night with my hubby, without you flowing, a reminder of what we don’t have. 

That night I wrote this, cos I was tired of trying, of bleeding, of hoping, of waiting. I was just plain tired.

No one waits for this long with out wondering if it will ever happen, so if you are in that place of tiredness. You are not alone.

See your dreams fulfilled through this poem. Christmas and waiting::

Tired of losing you. 

This pain will not go away It lingers and grips with icy cold fingers.

I am filled with dread every time you delay.

Your flow is another reminder of loss so sad it hurt.

I am tired of losing you, again and again and again. A flow not wanted albeit still descended, reminder of another lost.  

Tired of losing you, each month of  flow announced by a twinge of pain.

I bleed externally and internally
My heart thorn in pieces I fear it will erupt in a thousand tiny places. My one true hope and desires lies on a red stained pad. 

 I wonder, what’s to become of you if you do stay. I am tired of losing you.

I hope you know I desire you so badly it hurts. I grieve the absence of you, manifested in a flow.

But look forward to the day when blood will cease and a kick I will feel.

Then I can embrace the dream of you becoming real to me. 

Like me you too maybe tired of losing flowing monthly.

But no matter what, Embrace who you are becoming through this process, stronger, better and bigger, a victor not a victim. 

Happy Valentine’s Day. 

 

 

Your Partner in Hope

D’Ebi

 

Other interesting link.

The “age” thing, Unfair Generosity, Avoid Depression , We are equals

Others View Point

Deboko2 Comments

The trying heart is full of questions. There was no single day I did not ask questions of myself, of others and of God.
Questions like: 

Why me? Yes we all ask that
What next?

How will this story end?

Will I ever become a mother?

Will I be able to handle life without a child? 

Who will call me moma? 

How do others see Me? This last question was once a constant thought on my mind.

At first it was a non-issue, I cared less what others thought of me, but as my time on the waiting mill continued and the knowing looks and side comments from others flowed in, I wondered: “what do they think of me” Barren, infertile, deserving of it? 

For the one trying the questions never ceases, at appointments, we are full of them, we throw numerous questions at our Doctor hoping for the answer we’ve been looking for. Hoping they will finally provide an explanation for our predicament.

We ask questions of ourselves and of others: because: 

  1. We want reassurance that our situation has a reason and that reason is not down to our faults or the faults of others: 
  2. We also want to find comfort in knowing that we are not thought of in a bad way. We want people to see us, not as victims of our situations. 

I will never forget the day I asked my husband what he thought of me. With an incredulous look on his face he answered with a question of his own “why would you ask that kind of question”, and went further to ask “has your view of me changed through this process”? Since we  it’s question time. 

He answered: I think you will make a great mum and I can’t wait to see that happen.You have been phenomenal in handling this situation, your resolve and faith inspires me. I believe you will come through a winner.

We want reassurance that our love ones still see us with the same eyes of love. 

 His answers were reassuring and genuine, but there is one whose view of us matters most to us: God: 

Question: So how do you think God sees you in terms of your situation? What do you think he thinks of you? 

  • Do you think he smirks when he looks at you When he hears you pray and ask for him to help you through  this phase? 
  • Do you think he sees you as a sinner who had that child aborted which makes you undeserving of a child now? 
  • Do you think that’s how the creator sees you? Unworthy to hold a baby of your own?

Sitting right where you are now reading this, pause and give this a thought. 
What’s been your view of God’s view of you. 
If it’s been one of unworthiness and undeserving? 
Let me enlightening you, whether you are a christian or not, you are deserving of having to hold your own little precious bundle of joy. 

As Christians we know that God loved us so much he GAVE His Son, His only Son for us on the cross. That is love, we were sinners and undeserving of that sacrifice but He Did it. 

If he gave up His Only Son for us, will he not also freely give us everything we desire? Yes He will. 
That’s my message to you today. He made that sacrifice for you, before infertility became the battle of your entire existence. His profession of love was in the form of a baby, how can he withhold you from holding your own baby?



God’s word is very clear on how he feels about you and what you are going through. Do not think for one second that your past has anything to do with your current situation, or that you are been punished for things you did do or did not do. 
God has unlimited capacity of love in his reservoir that no sin, past or present can extinguish or diminish. 
Be reminded that whatever your struggles of infertility are he rejoices over you with Singing and love. His desires for your will be realised. See his view of you in: Zephaniah 3:17 as I faced this struggle, one thing reassured me, that is His unfailing love for me. 

I am reassured that he sees me loved, whole, complete and sane. He died for me, he came for me, no infertility can change that. 

His view of me? I am special and worthy to die for, and worthy to be chosen to wait in faith. Yes, he knows why I have to go through this and when he has tried me I shall come forth as pure gold. Purified, refined and ready to be used for his glory. 

If you have struggled with God’s view of you, as you face infertility, realize you are worthy in His eyes.  
In time, your struggles  will be your cause for testimony. 

Rest, Hope, Believe. 

Your Partner in Hope: 
D’Ebi

New Again 

DebokoLeave a comment

It is a New Year, another year to hope and believe, to anticipate better things and to expect success as we look forward and begin afresh.

How do you explain to a 5 year old what a New Year is? My daughter knows the dates of the month, but has no concept of What a New Year is. She celebrated the dawn of 2017  by staying up late with us.

As we chorused ‘Happy New Year’ around the house my little girl ran up to me and said these words “Happy New You” mummy… I paused and asked her what she meant, she then went on to say, mom’, “we are new again”, it’s the new year…. 
Without thinking I responded yes we are new again… 

This got me thinking. 
New Again? That’s not how I felt, we grown ups know we grow older with each passing year. How am I New again?… this was definitely food for thought for me.The thought of growing older is more real to the couple trying to conceive, we all know that age is not on our side and each passing day without conceiving drives the point home.

Top of my New Year’s list during our trying days was my wish to be pregnant “Lord let this be my year”. It was my only request…. and that prayer went unanswered for 7 years 
I felt older each year….

I did not feel new again, I felt robbed of my youth, of not being able to carry a child in my prime. When will I become a mum? At one point I asked God to give me a child at a specific time to avoid going over a certain age…. still no baby…. 

How do you view the arrival of another New Year? Certainly Not New Again. You may have given up trying, hoping and praying, as your reservoir of hope runs out, you look forward without any real expectations.

“How? Where do we start from? You ponder. New Year, new hopes, same dream… still no result? 

My daughter’s statement reminded me of another statement “ he makes all things beautiful in his time” Let me encourage you to have fresh hopes, yes the years are rolling by, we all grow old and it may seem that you are aging faster than you would like…, you look into the Year and can’t seen to see your child…. but an aging womb…. 

Be encouraged “He Makes All Things New”.
See the future with fresh eyes of faith, let the Knowledge of the creator infuse you with fresh zeal and assurance. Believe for new faith to see beyond now to what will be. Let your faith bloom, like fresh flowers in spring time.

My daughter is right, ‘ We Are New Again’. New in our thinking, New in our actions, New in our friendships, and relationships. Renewed in our beliefs. New in what we choose to believe. New visions. 

Most of all we can be New in our spirit and soul. He make all things new including our dying eggs, yes he can recreate and create new ovaries or sperm. 

Do not let your zeal or faith grow cold for lack of results, yes you are New Again for He makes all things New…
Happy New Year.

The Possbilities of Christmas 

DebokoLeave a comment

Consider for a minute The angel who told Mary she was going to be the mother of the saviour of the word. A frightened teenage girl told such a news. How terrified do you think she was? Very terrified I imagine. 
I imagined she trembled in fear, not daring to look up at the angel who brought the news. I also imagine her look up as after he had finished speak and, summoning up courage asked “how will these things be?”

“How will I know?” That it will be as you have said? And to her surprise he answered… 

“And behold, even your relative Elizabeth has also conceived a son in her old age; and she who was called barren is now in her sixth month. For nothing will be impossible with God: Luke 1:36-37.
The angel told her a story of an impossibility or what man called impossible coming to pass… the angel pointed to her. “The God who did this for Elizabeth, will bring what I have said to pass.never-give-up

At which point she said “be it unto me according to your word… she believed… she didn’t needed a sign, jus some reassurance that the promise will be fulfilled.
Think about this for a minute God brought the miracle of Christmas to be by using a little girl… how pure, how holy and undefiled.. only a virgin birth will do. 
The significance of both story serves to remind us that no matter the situation, “with God nothing is impossible”. 

Have you really thought about this? An infertile woman and a little virgin girl being pregnant? Both were impossibilities to the human mind but not to Our Heavenly Father.

At this time of the year your heart may not be singing the Yuletide hymns as you watch all the fuss happening around you and think, what’s the point of celebrating when  another year is gone pass, without a baby of mine own.
Another nativity play, what’s the fuss? Your heart ache, as your womb yearn to feel the pangs of baby…

Your heart poured out to him as the Christmas carols rings out and you whisper : let this be my Christmas miracle Lord.. my Christmas gift of a child of my womb. 

Let me encourage you, the Christmas story is a reminder that nothing is impossible with God, your story is not impossible, your desires have been seen and a baby in your arms, in your home is not impossible… 
God has come to us so that through his Birth we can experience the miracle of Christmas in our own little way..

So this Christmas cheer up, let the story of Elizabeth and Mary reminds you that nothing is impossible With God. 

Merry Christmas.

Your friend and partner in hope

D’Ebi

 

Related article

 

Christmas and waiting::

Unfair Generosity

We are equals

Choosing an IVF Clinic

DebokoLeave a comment

hope-never-failsI knew I wanted treatment but I did not know where to go. Even though my hubby is a medic who knew the process, knowing which clinic to use for our IVF treatment took quite a bit of research on our part.

We went with our GP’s recommendation for our first and second treatment, and were referred to a teaching hospital. We thought being a teaching hospital this was a good idea, so we did no background checks.

Checks like: success rates, services on offer, facilities or any such things, we just assumed being a teaching hospital and a research centre we will be fine. we were disappointed with the whole process. It wasn’t the fact that the process failed it was the handling of the process and the treatment we received.

Our experience was so bad that we waited another year and a half before trying a different clinic. During my break from treatment, I did a proper research to IVF clinics, procedures and what my top 10 clinics offered.

Choosing a clinic is a very personal decision one that involves so many criteria. See related article Exploring Treatment Options. After my experience with the first clinic, we checked the fertility regulator websites which was full of so much information that it was impossible to pick one clinic without having to read everything about it.

I decided on a clinic after months of research, reading newspapers reviews and comparing stats. After my research, we decided to write down our expectations from a clinic and the criterial which helped us decide on the clinic to go with:

I don’t want you to go through the same problem so I have compiled a list of 10 questions to asked yourself and the clinic before you choose:

  1. How to search: know what you want from a clinic. It is important that you know what you want and which clinic is good at it. I know you want to be pregnant and have a baby, any clinic has some success rate. But what is your diagnosis and which clinic is best suited to dealing with that? As mentioned above, get up to speed with fertility information.

    Read, read, read, by so doing, you will come across a wealth of information which will help you decide on a clinic. I came across my clinic while searching for the top 10 IVF clinic in the UK, with this search I was able to review the 10 top clinics and decided on the one I eventually used.

  2. Your first port of call: Every clinic has an overview page, which gives detailed information about what the clinics offer, their success rates by age, the treatment they administer and weather they are involved in any research. crucially the price is there somewhere. This page will also provide information on staffs, facility and the location enabling you to make the best decisions based on what you have read in comparison to other clinics.
  3. What’s on offer: what services does the clinic offer in addition to the treatment cycle? do they offer support group where you can be part of during the process? Do they also offer counselling as part of the package? I was a total mess after my first 2 failed experience, some counselling would have gone a long way to help ease the pain, but the clinic offered no such services and did not suggest it. I was shoved out of the door and told better luck next time. my support system where my husband and strength from God.

  4. High up on my list was the support system of the clinic. Soon after my initial consultation, immediately I joined their online forums where we supported each other and gained valuable information about the clinic and certain other procedures. Some clinic offer counselling services to talk you through before you begin, it can be part of the cost or may not be. Find out at your initial consultation, what is offered and if it is included in the overall price.

  5. Location and opening times: This was important for us as my husband and I both worked full time. It was important the clinics offered appointments which were flexible enough to fit within our time. Check if they have early and late openings appointments.

    Also, factor the cost of hotel, taxi trips, if you happen to find a clinic which ticks all the box but not local. My clinic was nowhere near where we live but luckily it was near my office so it was a case of popping out during lunch breaks for tests and scans.

  6. Find out the treatment on offer: Given my pre-existing health conditions I wanted a clinic which offered more than the basic test and treatment, but one that understands how autoimmunity affects fertility.  my research lead me to believe that the clinic we choose offered more than the basic IVF which was reassuring. The More I read about them the more convinced I was about using them. So, it is important to know what clinic is good for what. If you are over 40”, you may want to select the clinic with the highest success rate amongst over 40.

Other questions to ask during your first appointments:

  1. Number of cycles offered by the clinic: Find out the number of cycles they offer and the what stage they choose to stop, if you don’t fall pregnant. I was told at my previous clinic that they won’t offer another treatment as there was nothing they different they will do. This was very devastating news, see related post Surviving Treatment Not only could they not explain why I had such bad results, I was turned down for another treatment without explanation.  It is therefore important to know how far the clinic is willing to go, especially if you are over 40.
  2. Their inspection report: every clinic have an inspection report, what does it say about them? They should have it visible or on their website: go through it and see what it says about how they perform and operate. If it’s not visible ask them for one.
  3. Success rates: it is only natural for you to want to know your chances: what are their success rate per age group.

    Choose a clinic which has data on the number of treatment carried out yearly and the number of successful treatments leading to live births. This should be a guide not as an indication that you will be pregnant. It is good to know as it is reassuring. I was reassured to find out that my clinic was consistently top. Also, compare their success rate to the national average;

  4. Waiting times: regardless of your age you do not want to be waiting endlessly for an appointment, during your research find out the waiting times before your initial appointment. Depending on the popularity of the clinic waiting times can be from 1-6 months. So, ask them during your telephone conversation, to have an indication of how long before your first appointment.
  5.  First impressions matter. How did your initial contact with the clinic went:  where they professional? did you feel welcome? Did you feel like this is the place you should be having treatments? Are the staff courteous, polite, friendly and helpful?

I don’t want you to go through the same problems we faced, which is why I have written this piece. I hope that you have found it helpful, and hope that you will find place where you can have a treatment which will result in what your hearts desires. Please share and leave comment if you have found this helpful.

Pregnancy and infant loss awareness day: 16 October 2016

DebokoLeave a comment

I couldn’t write anything on that day. I wanted to write something to encourage those who have suffered loss of any kind but I couldn’t find the words.. then I received this in my inbox and refused to look at it, I felt really down and wondered how those babies I lost would have looked liked had they lived…

I decided to share this article as it blessed me so much. You can subscribe to received daily encouragements from the www. SarahLaughter.com. 
Happy reading 

 Today is Pregnancy & Infant Loss Awareness Day. It is a day set aside to honor and remember your babies–so very loved–lost to miscarriage or stillbirth. Sarah’s Laughter joins you in honoring and remembering all babies loved and lost. Those miscarried a a few days after a positive pregnancy test. Those carried full term but not carried home. Those conceived in embryology labs but never survived to transfer. If you loved and lost your baby–no matter the timeline–we remember them with you.

Tears are frequent companions along the road you travel. They appear at the most inconvenient times and refuse to be silenced. Your heart is heavy from the burden you bear, and life insults you by continuing on. 

You have an appointment, and it is one your heart will want to keep. Facing the loss of precious babies, appointments with doctors become something that we tend to fear or dread. We grow weary of bad reports and worse realities. Many times the appointments raise more questions than ever, and they all remain unanswered. But there is an appointment set for you with the One who holds every answer to every question your heart has ever asked. You have an appointment with God. 

 One day, you will stand face to face with the God who chose to allow you to suffer through the unbelievable sorrow of the death of your babies. One day, you will look into the eyes of Love Himself and finally have a conversation with the only One who knows the reasons why. What will God do? The answer is found in Revelation 21:3-5:

And I heard a loud voice from the throne, say, “Behold, the tabernacle of God 
is among men, and He will dwell among them, and they shall be His people, and God Himself will be among them, and He will wipe away every tear from their eyes; and there will no longer be any death; there will no longer be any mourning, or crying, or pain;

 the first things have passed away.” And He who sits on the throne said, “Behold, I am making all things new.” And He said, “Write, for these words are faithful and true.”

 Your tears will come to an end that day. The same hand that formed the first man, the same hand that stretched out over raging waters and calmed a storm, the same hand that had a nail driven through it, the same hand that formed your babies in your womb, will one day reach out to you again, and wipe the tears from your face. He’ll lock eyes with you and touch your face. Your tears and your hurt will vanish, never to take residence in your heart again. With compassion unmatched through time and eternity, your Heavenly Father will make all things new, and will banish sorrow and mourning from your heart. No more death. No more pain. No more prematurity. No more separation. All things will be made new.

Until that day, weep when you need to. The same Lord who will wipe your tears away takes note of those same tears today, and He keeps them in a bottle. He promises to be near to you when you are brokenhearted. He must be close today.  

 So grieve as you need to. Just don’t grieve as those who have no hope. Your tears will end one day, and you’ll see your babies again. It’s an appointment I know you’ll want to keep.  

 

I love hearing from you. Please email me at

beth@sarahs-laughter.com and tell me your story.
If you have found this Daily Double Portion to be encouraging, please forward to friends and like us on Facebook.

Like Pregnancy & Infant Loss Awareness Day on

Copyright © 2016 Sarah’s Laughter, All rights reserved. 

  

The “age” thing

Deboko1 Comment

make-dreams-happenI get excited about the news of my friends becoming pregnant or anyone who has tried for a while becomes a parent, especially if they’re over 40.

I believe women have it tough with our biological clock and all… so the story of a 40 something year old becoming a mum excites me…I am not sure why I get excited this way, maybe it’s something to do with the miracle of a child developing through the stages in a woman’s body.

So the news of Janet Jackson expecting her first child at the age of 50, was sweet music to my ears. I don’t know her story, I don’t know if she tried to conceive several times or not, I am not sure. But here’s what I do know, to be pregnant at 50 is medically classed as high risk, almost impossible. Being married to a medical doctor I know my husband constantly reminded me of the facts of having babies beyond 40 while we were trying.

Medically as a woman ages, it takes longer to conceive and the risk of not being able to get pregnant increases. Also, the risk of miscarriages, complications in pregnancy and childbirth, increases.
Starting at about age 32, a woman’s chances of conceiving decrease gradually but significantly, from age 35, the fertility decline speeds up. By age 40, fertility has fallen by half. At 30, the chances of conceiving each month is about 20%. At 40 it is around 5%. This post details when to seek help. Infertility: When to seek help

Hence my excitement at the news of any woman who becomes pregnant at any age above 35 especially age 40 and above…. it is nothing short of a miracle….

The stats are there: facts not fictions, however, there is hope for anyone who is over 35 onwards, as the stats also shows that., for the first time in decades ‘older mothers’ I.e. over 35s are now more than under 35s.

If you really have a desire to be a parent, woe betide me or anyone else who tries to quench the fire of your hopes and dreams. The desire to become a mum or dad is God given and unless he takes that desire away, never ever give up hope to believe against all odds, that you will become a parent.

I don’t know Janet’s story, did she try for a long time? Did she had any miscarriages? Maybe she did, maybe she didn’t, regardless she’s an expectant mum at 50… that’s encouraging. 

If you are out there reading this post, be encouraged by it, fuel your zeal with faith, don’t give up on your quest towards becoming a parent , no matter what, try, try. Try, again…

 

Your partner in Hope

D’Ebi

 

Related article: Causes Of Infertility In Women 

The Adoption Process

DebokoLeave a comment

 

I have huge respect and applaud anyone who has made room in their heart and home to parent a child. Adoption is a unique act, one that is selfless and giving. Although I have not adopted a child, I know it is a hugely rewarding and transforming experiences for both the child and parent.

I started exploring this option after my Eureka moment read it here:Exploring Other Options

In UK, several agencies are involved in the adoption process, these are social services, the Local authority, the courts, and other adoption agencies.

This post will explain the process here in the UK…

Adoption is a way of providing a permanent home and family to a child who can’t be bought up by their birth family.

Why adopt? For me it was not because I was unable to have a child of my own, the moment I realised I can bequeath love to another human and give a child a home and make them feel love, it became irrelevant the method of getting being a parent.

If I can love a child of my own, I can equally love the child birthed by another. Being a parent, is all encompassing, it involves, showing and giving love, passing on life’s values and raising up kids who will be outstanding, decent citizens, this I believe should not be restricted to birth parents only.

Of course I arrived at this decision following my experience with infertility, but for me it was all about loving. Adoption process is not a smooth road. having closely observed a friend during the adoption of her child, I realised it can be both exciting and draining at the same time.

Statistics: Each year in England there are 4000 children waiting to be adopted, the majority are older children,as well as sibling groups who need to be placed together or children with disabilities.

Process: The adoption process involved working with different groups of people as mentioned above. It is the job of these people to ensure that prospective adopters are the best possible parents for the children.

Stages:

Pre-stage one exploration: invokes knowing more about the process. Often includes reading background information and speaking with experts

Initial checks and registration: involves locating an agency you are comfortable with and commencing the process which involves formal evaluation, taking references and conducting  background checks. This stage  typically takes 2 months.

Ttraining and assessment: Usually involves a social worker who is assigned to work with your family. They will assess your strengths and produce a report to the adoption panel. This stage usually takes 4 months

Matching with the child: This is where the adoption agency works with the local authorities to find the right child for you. They will discuss the Child with you in order to determine the suitability you. The final decision is usually made by the adoption panel

Moving in: Once a match has been made, there will be a period of time to get to know the child, this will involve a series of visits and short stays. After which you apply to the court to be the legal parent.

I learnt from my friend that the process is very invasive as very detailed and personal questions are asked, no area is left out, job, housing arrangement and your extended family is also looked at. I acted as a reference for my friend, and I am so glad to see their daughter thriving and turning into a vibrant young woman.

So the wait was worth it  as their little girl who came to be with them a few years ago has brought so much such a joy, fulfillment and a sweetness to the home.

If you are considering adopting, make inquires in your local area and don’t delay any longer… Soon you will be we on your way to welcoming your child home.

We would love to Hear your story, send us a private message if it’s so personal to you. Or leave it as a comment.

Wishing much success on your fertility journey..

Your partner in hope
DebokoLeave a comment

Adoption is a unique and selfless act. I respect and applaud anyone who has made room in their heart and home to parent a child. 

Although I have not adopted a child, i was closely involved during the adoption process of my best friends child. I know it is a hugely rewarding and transforming experiences for both the child and parent. 
I started exploring this option after my Eureka moment read it here: 
In the UK, several agencies are involved in the adoption process, these are social services, the local authority, the courts, and other adoption agencies.
My aim is is to explain the process here in the UK… 
What is adoption? 

Adoption is a way of providing a permanent home and family to a child who can’t be bought up by their birth family. 
Why adopt? 
For me it was not because I was unable to have a child of my own, the moment I realised I can bequeath love to another human and give a child a home and make them feel love, it became irrelevant the method of being a parent.  
If I can love a child of my own, I can equally love the child birthed by another. Being a parent, is all encompassing, it involves showing and giving love, passing on life’s values and raising up kids who will be outstanding, decent citizens, this I believe should not be restricted to birth parents. Of course I arrived at this decision following my experience with infertility, but for me it was all about loving and giving. 
The Adoption process is not a smooth road. having closely observed my friend during the adoption of her child, I realised it can be both exciting and draining at the same time. 

 

The Statistics: shows that each year in England there are 4000 children waiting to be adopted, the majority are older children, as well as sibling groups who need to be placed together or children with disabilities.
The Process: 
The adoption process involved working with different groups of people as mentioned above, whose job is to to ensure that prospective adopters are the best possible parents for the children. 
The Stages: 
Pre-stage one called exploration: involves knowing more about the process. Often includes reading background information and speaking with experts 
 initial checks and registration: involves locating an agency you are comfortable with and commencing the process which involves formal evaluation (might include checking Medical history), taking references and conducting background checks. It is believed that this stage takes 2 months. 
Stage 2. training and assessment 

Usually involves a social worker who is assigned to work with your family. This might involve then learning about your way of life, beliefs, social standing, work pattern etc. At the end, they will assess your strengths and produce a report to the adoption panel. This stage usually takes 4 months 
Stage 3 matching with the child 

This is where the adoption agency works with the local authorities to find the right child for you. Amongst other things, they will discuss the child with you in order to determine weather you are both suited to each other. The final decision is usually made by the adoption panel, who will bring the whole picture together, 
Stage 4 moving in

Once a match has been made, there will be a period of time to get to know the child, this will involve a series of visits and short stays. After which you apply to the court to be the legal parent. 
I learnt from my friend that the process is very invasive and involves detailed and personal questions being asked, job, housing arrangement, extended family is also looked at, sometimes medical histories. This is to ensure that the child is placed in a loving home with people who want and care for him/her. 

I acted as a reference for my friend, I am so glad to see their daughter thriving and turning into a vibrant young woman. 
The wait for your child is always worth it no matter the process, their little girl who came to be with them a few years ago has brought so much joy, fulfillment and a sweetness to the home. 
If you are considering adopting, make inquires in your local area and don’t delay any longer… Soon you will be we on your way to welcoming your child home. 
We would love to Hear your story, send us a private message if it’s so personal to you. Or leave it as a comment. 
Wishing you much success on your fertility journey..
Your partner in hope 
D’Ebi

Exploring Other Options

Deboko1 Comment

I will never forget the day I asked myself this question. It was one of those days. I had received another good news, a friend was pregnant again!’ With her 3rd child.

On getting home, it suddenly dawned on me that I wanted to be pregnant so bad, I held my tummy in my hands and looked at my reflection in the mirror. I envisioned how I will look if pregnant.

infertile-pain
I knee in pain

 

Something was not right, I stopped, what could it be? I took another pillow and looked at my reflection again. I felt odd to be standing there, I was not excited by this look at all and quickly walked away. I chided myself for being so hopeful…  

I went to bed and laid down for a while when another picture began to develop in my mind’s eyes, the picture of a child.

I saw this child so pure and peaceful lying on his back, eyes closed with gentle breath. This picture jolted and excited me, I was so excited It was like I already had this child here with me, and I snapped out of my day dreaming and the question sprang to mind.

Which one will it be Debbie, “To be pregnant or to have a baby”?

I have never thought about them separately I have always assume one led to another, which also true in a way.

I suddenly realised that being a mother was more important to me then being pregnant. Don’t get me wrong, I wanted a child and all I knew was I had to be pregnant to have a one. I never explored other alternatives. This picture made me want to be a mother by whatever means, via IVF, surrogacy, adoption, whatever.

I started exploring my options after this confrontation with myself.

Let me ask you this question, have you considered your options?

Which would you like to be To be Pregnant or to be a parent?

Do you know there are so many ways your dreams of being a parent can be achieved?

See our next post on Adoption

Your partner in hope..

D’Ebi