Category: hope

National Infertility Week

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in the middleOn this National Infertility Week, I am flooded with memory of my time on the treadmill suffering this dreaded disease. Both good and bad memories. After all I tried unsuccessfully for several years to have a child. So it is with mix feelings I pen this piece.

Infertility is a sickness, a disease which should not be allowed to fester and thrive.

Over the weekend, I met with some lovely friends,  who also suffered the same fate of waiting, miscarriages, stillbirth and finally birth. I am reminded of how fortunate we all are in fulfilling our heart desires of becoming parents. I recognised that this is still a struggle and a dream for many.

As we sat chatting in celebration over the purchase of a house by one of us, a very beautiful house in a prime suburb: listening to the sounds of the kids running around screaming, the conversation came up about what we had been through.

The story began, from one to the other. I listened as we recalled some really gruesome tales of our ordeal.

I was amazed at how we were able to recall very intimate details and exact happenings of the losses we suffered.

Between the 3 of us, 17 babies were lost either through miscarriages, still birth and death. This was no small number, this was epic and painful to talk about. As we talked, we began to salute those who helped us along the way and the courage  of those still trying.

Today I want to salute everyone who is currently going through infertility, this is dedicated to you.

This post also highlights how we coped in the midst of going through one of the most trying periods of  our lives:

As we discussed it became obvious we had

  • the support of good friends and family,
  • our spouses and
  • our faith.

A strong support network of Good Friends: We recalled those who walked the road with us, friends who though did not face the same struggles non understood our pain, were a strong support, a shoulder to cry on, an ear to listen without judging us, a ready help. Those who sat with us while we waited at the hospital for another evacuation. Those who abandoned everything else at the news that we needed them. Their prayers, presence and love was strong enough to give us faith. On this national infertility week I salute you my friends.

Our spouses: while we struggled, while we waited, while pain ravages and friends leave, when faith weaver and hope hangs on a thread. Their presence, support, friendship, understanding and love was a constant.

We joked that God knew we couldn’t combine  this terrible fate in addition to having a spouse/partner who was not supportive. They listened when we made no sense. They saw us at our most vulnerable but loved us no less. It was a joint pain, it was a shared burden, we were never alone. Our spouses were a constant.

So on this national infertility week we salute our spouses, partners, those who were helpers on the journey through infertility.

Our Faith: faith was what carried us through those times when we felt like giving up, when we thought that we couldn’t carry on any longer. Faith saw us through. We had a picture of what we wanted and kept that in view. When we bled and buried our babies, faith was a strong force urging us to have another go. Faith was our anchor, our hope: faith that our bodies will do what it was meant to do, carry and birth a child.

Faith in God, in his infinite power to restore and make new again. We were not going to let anything take our faith away. We salute faith and the courage to keep trying every time we suffered a loss

You: I salute you my waiting friends, through teary eyes you look at the negative lines on the test strip and sob, but walked on with a strong resolve to keep trying. Through aching heart, you wondered when the tide will calm and the cloud lift for you to see your dreams birthed in the form of a child:

You who smiled through side comments and sarcastic remarks

You who watched helplessly as you bleed at the loss of another child

You who stood by the graveside to bury another sweet little baby

I salute your tenacity

Your hope,

Your zeal

Your resolve

Your strength

Your faith

Your courage

Here’s my encouragement to you today. Have faith in the process, though it may be tough right now, have faith in your ability, for faith never fails.

On this national infertility week I urge you to make faith your best friend. let it be your guide, your hope, your scour, your friend, your victory.

You may still be on this journey, and may just be hanging in there with the help of someone special, keep on holding on.

For some of you, your relationships may have fallen apart, friends may have left or grew weary of hearing the same story.

Let faith carry you to the finish line. Our story changed from pain and tears to, testimonies and laughter.

So I pray that you too will reminisce over the past with joy and peace.

I salute your faith, faithful friends, supportive partners/spouse, but above all, I salute you, as you faithfully wait.  

 

Your Friend and faithful Partner in Waiting

Other related post you may like: National Infertility Awareness Week., Unfair Generosity, The Pain of Miscarriage

 

D’Ebi

  

Resurected Hope 

Deboko1 Comment

Picture the scene with me: here was a woman who has had several miscarriages, she has bleed countless number of times and as she lay bleeding the last time she screamed in agony “who will call me mother”. “Who will tug at my apron strings for waffles”

“Who will wave at me from the pack of excited kids at the Christmas carol choir concert?

“Who will make little Mother’s Day card with writing barely readable 

Who? Why? When?

Who will tell me pretend stories of monkeys, gorillas and Iguanas. She lay there sobbing and crying as she recalls her losses. 

When I am in distress I call you because you answer me. 

Losing a child through miscarriage or stillbirth, or other circumstances leaves a couple drained, confused and the future uncertain.

Today week we celebrate Easter, I wonder, how did the mother of Jesus felt losing her son. Mary must have been

distraught just as any other parent. 

His earthly parents felt helpless and hopeless, one minute they had a son, the next he was gone.

I am certain they experienced the pain of loss any parent would at the loss of a child. At the time it felt like all hope was gone, they couldn’t see past the present, their loss, pain and heartache had blurred every thought. They did not see 3 days later. 

This was how I felt when I lost my two precious babies to miscarriage. Having waited for a long time I finally had something to look forward to. I thought the wait was over, when I felt pregnant but the cruel hand of lost came and snatched my dream from me. 

I was elated at the news of my pregnancy, to finally be pregnant and be an expectant mum, felt like heaven to me.

And then came the bleeding, the pain and the aches. The why mes and the when. At that moment, I felt lost, helpless and hopeless. My world came crashing down. 

Back to Mary, she didn’t see the next 3 days, the miracle of resurrection and the hope life gives, she was consumed by her lost.

The gap between when her son, ‘The Saviour’ came back to life, was a blur. She couldn’t go about business as usual, hence she took it upon herself to anoint his body daily. 

At least she could do something with her time, she looked forward to the next day when she would anoint his body again, but it was another disappointment. He was gone again, taken away from her. Her one last shred of hope.

Nothing wrong in hanging on to hope and whatever reminds us of what we want and lost. Just like Mary we hang on, holding on to whatever may make us feel better. We live one day at a time.

Mary, was wrong he hadn’t been taken away from her again, he had come back to her, he had given her life, hope and reason to live again. Her son came back.

Our lost child may not resurrect like Jesus did, but we can have faith in the knowledge that we can start again, we have life and we can try again and dream again.

I waited for several years to fall pregnant, Only to suffer miss stages. I taught my number was up, my world caved in and my hope of being a mum was still a distant dream. 
We decided to give it another try and go for it again, and our resolve paid off, we now have 2 little girls, our tears turned to Joy, our sorrows a distant memory and the lost we suffered remembered without pain. 
My encouragement to you today.

Let the Easter story fill you with faith to believe and strength to carry on. The pain you feel from the loss you suffered will be stepping stones to a comeback.

You may have lost a child but let your hope come alive again, let it resurrect and fill you with faith to try again, to see beyond your lost. 

You too will some day experience joy and peace when your desires are reborn. I don’t know how it will be, but with God nothing shall be impossible. 

Easter gives us a hope and strength to keep trying, to trust, to have faith, and believe. 

  Happy Easter.

 

Valentine’s Poem to My Unborn Child

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img_1960It was Valentine’s Day and we had planed to go see a movie, then the flow came and that changed everything. 

I was tired, I felt deflated. I was just tired. Why couldn’t it wait another day before showing up. I wanted a night with my hubby, without you flowing, a reminder of what we don’t have. 

That night I wrote this, cos I was tired of trying, of bleeding, of hoping, of waiting. I was just plain tired.

No one waits for this long with out wondering if it will ever happen, so if you are in that place of tiredness. You are not alone.

See your dreams fulfilled through this poem. Christmas and waiting::

Tired of losing you. 

This pain will not go away It lingers and grips with icy cold fingers.

I am filled with dread every time you delay.

Your flow is another reminder of loss so sad it hurt.

I am tired of losing you, again and again and again. A flow not wanted albeit still descended, reminder of another lost.  

Tired of losing you, each month of  flow announced by a twinge of pain.

I bleed externally and internally
My heart thorn in pieces I fear it will erupt in a thousand tiny places. My one true hope and desires lies on a red stained pad. 

 I wonder, what’s to become of you if you do stay. I am tired of losing you.

I hope you know I desire you so badly it hurts. I grieve the absence of you, manifested in a flow.

But look forward to the day when blood will cease and a kick I will feel.

Then I can embrace the dream of you becoming real to me. 

Like me you too maybe tired of losing flowing monthly.

But no matter what, Embrace who you are becoming through this process, stronger, better and bigger, a victor not a victim. 

Happy Valentine’s Day. 

 

 

Your Partner in Hope

D’Ebi

 

Other interesting link.

The “age” thing, Unfair Generosity, Avoid Depression , We are equals

Others View Point

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The trying heart is full of questions. There was no single day I did not ask questions of myself, of others and of God.
Questions like: 

Why me? Yes we all ask that
What next?

How will this story end?

Will I ever become a mother?

Will I be able to handle life without a child? 

Who will call me moma? 

How do others see Me? This last question was once a constant thought on my mind.

At first it was a non-issue, I cared less what others thought of me, but as my time on the waiting mill continued and the knowing looks and side comments from others flowed in, I wondered: “what do they think of me” Barren, infertile, deserving of it? 

For the one trying the questions never ceases, at appointments, we are full of them, we throw numerous questions at our Doctor hoping for the answer we’ve been looking for. Hoping they will finally provide an explanation for our predicament.

We ask questions of ourselves and of others: because: 

  1. We want reassurance that our situation has a reason and that reason is not down to our faults or the faults of others: 
  2. We also want to find comfort in knowing that we are not thought of in a bad way. We want people to see us, not as victims of our situations. 

I will never forget the day I asked my husband what he thought of me. With an incredulous look on his face he answered with a question of his own “why would you ask that kind of question”, and went further to ask “has your view of me changed through this process”? Since we  it’s question time. 

He answered: I think you will make a great mum and I can’t wait to see that happen.You have been phenomenal in handling this situation, your resolve and faith inspires me. I believe you will come through a winner.

We want reassurance that our love ones still see us with the same eyes of love. 

 His answers were reassuring and genuine, but there is one whose view of us matters most to us: God: 

Question: So how do you think God sees you in terms of your situation? What do you think he thinks of you? 

  • Do you think he smirks when he looks at you When he hears you pray and ask for him to help you through  this phase? 
  • Do you think he sees you as a sinner who had that child aborted which makes you undeserving of a child now? 
  • Do you think that’s how the creator sees you? Unworthy to hold a baby of your own?

Sitting right where you are now reading this, pause and give this a thought. 
What’s been your view of God’s view of you. 
If it’s been one of unworthiness and undeserving? 
Let me enlightening you, whether you are a christian or not, you are deserving of having to hold your own little precious bundle of joy. 

As Christians we know that God loved us so much he GAVE His Son, His only Son for us on the cross. That is love, we were sinners and undeserving of that sacrifice but He Did it. 

If he gave up His Only Son for us, will he not also freely give us everything we desire? Yes He will. 
That’s my message to you today. He made that sacrifice for you, before infertility became the battle of your entire existence. His profession of love was in the form of a baby, how can he withhold you from holding your own baby?



God’s word is very clear on how he feels about you and what you are going through. Do not think for one second that your past has anything to do with your current situation, or that you are been punished for things you did do or did not do. 
God has unlimited capacity of love in his reservoir that no sin, past or present can extinguish or diminish. 
Be reminded that whatever your struggles of infertility are he rejoices over you with Singing and love. His desires for your will be realised. See his view of you in: Zephaniah 3:17 as I faced this struggle, one thing reassured me, that is His unfailing love for me. 

I am reassured that he sees me loved, whole, complete and sane. He died for me, he came for me, no infertility can change that. 

His view of me? I am special and worthy to die for, and worthy to be chosen to wait in faith. Yes, he knows why I have to go through this and when he has tried me I shall come forth as pure gold. Purified, refined and ready to be used for his glory. 

If you have struggled with God’s view of you, as you face infertility, realize you are worthy in His eyes.  
In time, your struggles  will be your cause for testimony. 

Rest, Hope, Believe. 

Your Partner in Hope: 
D’Ebi

New Again 

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It is a New Year, another year to hope and believe, to anticipate better things and to expect success as we look forward and begin afresh.

How do you explain to a 5 year old what a New Year is? My daughter knows the dates of the month, but has no concept of What a New Year is. She celebrated the dawn of 2017  by staying up late with us.

As we chorused ‘Happy New Year’ around the house my little girl ran up to me and said these words “Happy New You” mummy… I paused and asked her what she meant, she then went on to say, mom’, “we are new again”, it’s the new year…. 
Without thinking I responded yes we are new again… 

This got me thinking. 
New Again? That’s not how I felt, we grown ups know we grow older with each passing year. How am I New again?… this was definitely food for thought for me.The thought of growing older is more real to the couple trying to conceive, we all know that age is not on our side and each passing day without conceiving drives the point home.

Top of my New Year’s list during our trying days was my wish to be pregnant “Lord let this be my year”. It was my only request…. and that prayer went unanswered for 7 years 
I felt older each year….

I did not feel new again, I felt robbed of my youth, of not being able to carry a child in my prime. When will I become a mum? At one point I asked God to give me a child at a specific time to avoid going over a certain age…. still no baby…. 

How do you view the arrival of another New Year? Certainly Not New Again. You may have given up trying, hoping and praying, as your reservoir of hope runs out, you look forward without any real expectations.

“How? Where do we start from? You ponder. New Year, new hopes, same dream… still no result? 

My daughter’s statement reminded me of another statement “ he makes all things beautiful in his time” Let me encourage you to have fresh hopes, yes the years are rolling by, we all grow old and it may seem that you are aging faster than you would like…, you look into the Year and can’t seen to see your child…. but an aging womb…. 

Be encouraged “He Makes All Things New”.
See the future with fresh eyes of faith, let the Knowledge of the creator infuse you with fresh zeal and assurance. Believe for new faith to see beyond now to what will be. Let your faith bloom, like fresh flowers in spring time.

My daughter is right, ‘ We Are New Again’. New in our thinking, New in our actions, New in our friendships, and relationships. Renewed in our beliefs. New in what we choose to believe. New visions. 

Most of all we can be New in our spirit and soul. He make all things new including our dying eggs, yes he can recreate and create new ovaries or sperm. 

Do not let your zeal or faith grow cold for lack of results, yes you are New Again for He makes all things New…
Happy New Year.

Christmas and waiting::

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This is one of my favourite times of the year. Simply because I let my hair down, catch up with friends and family. However, this can also be a very challenging time for a woman In waiting. Churches, schools and offices put up shows to celebrate the birth of our saviour, for me, having to deal with the the questions that comes with not having a child of my own was just too much. 

Being a choir teacher meant that I was tasked with putting up a Christmas show for the kids whose ages are between 5-12. My time with these kids was precious, as I just loved seeing them flourish… but the remarks from their parents though well meaning, were mostly uncalled for. 

I took it as a real concern from them as I was a married woman without a child of my own yet here I was helping with the kids choir, to them, it is must be the most difficult of jobs, which it was. 

I understand their concerns and genuine care but for a woman trying I did not need to hear it every single week, especially at christmas.  So Christmas is the one time of the year where I dreaded being with my choir kids. I love my friends kids, nieces and nephews, and my choir kids, but I just wanted the questions and pitiful looks to stop. I wanted to enjoy the seasons without the talk of ‘don’t worry’ it will happen. 

To deal either this time and other festive periods I had to develop my own coping or surviving mechanism: 

Here are five ways I dealt deal with Christmas seasons:

  1. I smile: it’s as simple as that, though I hurt inside each Christmas I had to gather my choir kids and teach them their lines, I smile and have fun through it all… at gatherings I don’t bring up the topics but smile when brought up… smiling mask the pain I felt inside. I didn’t have to sit and listen to all the comments which were sometimes too personal, but I always smiled and excused myself if I have to. 
  2. I seek ways to have fun: Having tried to have a have a baby without success i became stronger as the wait continued,.. where once I would hide away and not take part any event like being a choir teacher, as I walked the road I made a decision do the things I love. I started fun with my friends.

    Thankfully I was blessed and still am with friends in similar situations and during Christmas ime and other festive periods we would go out to movies, theatres and just hang out. This took our focus off the situation. Being with the kids, was also a way of escape for me as always come away elated and blessed after every meeting. 

  3. Spend time with non judgmental love one: our families were incredible through it all: even though they were anxious for us to have a baby, not one word of worry or concern was spoken. We identified those families members who were our strongest supporters and whom we knew were praying with us and spent our holidays with them. They were our source of encouragement and though their support was unspoken it was felt every time we were with them. We were comfortable with them and their kids without the pressure of answering or keeping up appearances. 
  4. Do not avoid gatherings: No matter what, I decided i will enjoy Christmas, i always join the party, in church or at work, knowing life must go on… As a naturally fun person I refused to be beaten by infertility… so I joined celebrations like Carol and nativity services… 

  5. I reflected: To me Christmas is a time of reflection, so I reflected on the miracle of a child brought to us as a saviour, to mend our broken hearts, to bring us our own miracle and to heal our pain… so I reflected on this miracle while having faith for my own. 

So this Christmas don’t dread or fear, rather do hope and find a way to enjoy the season. Believe in the goodness of others that their concerns and remarks although sometimes not welcomed or sought for, is well meaning. Look to God who brought the miracle of Jesus via a virgin birth to bring you your own miracle child… and as you do Smile and be encouraged by the lyrics from Kirk Franklin’s song: Smile: 

This song’s for you

Today’s a new day, but there is no sunshine

Nothing but clouds, and it’s dark in my heart

And it feels like a cold night

Today’s a new day, where are my blue skies

Where is the love and the joy that you promised me

Tell me it’s alright
I almost gave up, but a power that I can’t explain

Fell from heaven like a shower
I smile, even though I hurt see I smile

I know God is working so I smile

Even though I’ve been here for a while

I smile, smile

It’s so hard to look up when you been down

Sure would hate to see you give up now

You look so much better when you smile, so smile
Today’s a new day, but there is no sunshine

Nothing but clouds and it’s dark in my heart

And it feels like a cold night

Today’s a new day, tell me where are my blue skies

Where is the love and the joy that you promised me

Tell me it’s alright
I almost gave up, but a power that I can’t explain

Fell from heaven like a shower now
I smile, even though I hurt see I smile

I know God is working so I smile

Even though I’ve been here for a while

I smile, smile

It’s so hard to look up when you been down

Sure would hate to see you give up now

You look so much better when you smile
Oh oh oh you look so much better when you

Oh oh oh you look so much better when you

Oh oh oh you look so much better when you

Oh oh oh you look so much better when you

Oh oh oh you look so much better when you

Pregnancy and infant loss awareness day: 16 October 2016

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I couldn’t write anything on that day. I wanted to write something to encourage those who have suffered loss of any kind but I couldn’t find the words.. then I received this in my inbox and refused to look at it, I felt really down and wondered how those babies I lost would have looked liked had they lived…

I decided to share this article as it blessed me so much. You can subscribe to received daily encouragements from the www. SarahLaughter.com. 
Happy reading 

 Today is Pregnancy & Infant Loss Awareness Day. It is a day set aside to honor and remember your babies–so very loved–lost to miscarriage or stillbirth. Sarah’s Laughter joins you in honoring and remembering all babies loved and lost. Those miscarried a a few days after a positive pregnancy test. Those carried full term but not carried home. Those conceived in embryology labs but never survived to transfer. If you loved and lost your baby–no matter the timeline–we remember them with you.

Tears are frequent companions along the road you travel. They appear at the most inconvenient times and refuse to be silenced. Your heart is heavy from the burden you bear, and life insults you by continuing on. 

You have an appointment, and it is one your heart will want to keep. Facing the loss of precious babies, appointments with doctors become something that we tend to fear or dread. We grow weary of bad reports and worse realities. Many times the appointments raise more questions than ever, and they all remain unanswered. But there is an appointment set for you with the One who holds every answer to every question your heart has ever asked. You have an appointment with God. 

 One day, you will stand face to face with the God who chose to allow you to suffer through the unbelievable sorrow of the death of your babies. One day, you will look into the eyes of Love Himself and finally have a conversation with the only One who knows the reasons why. What will God do? The answer is found in Revelation 21:3-5:

And I heard a loud voice from the throne, say, “Behold, the tabernacle of God 
is among men, and He will dwell among them, and they shall be His people, and God Himself will be among them, and He will wipe away every tear from their eyes; and there will no longer be any death; there will no longer be any mourning, or crying, or pain;

 the first things have passed away.” And He who sits on the throne said, “Behold, I am making all things new.” And He said, “Write, for these words are faithful and true.”

 Your tears will come to an end that day. The same hand that formed the first man, the same hand that stretched out over raging waters and calmed a storm, the same hand that had a nail driven through it, the same hand that formed your babies in your womb, will one day reach out to you again, and wipe the tears from your face. He’ll lock eyes with you and touch your face. Your tears and your hurt will vanish, never to take residence in your heart again. With compassion unmatched through time and eternity, your Heavenly Father will make all things new, and will banish sorrow and mourning from your heart. No more death. No more pain. No more prematurity. No more separation. All things will be made new.

Until that day, weep when you need to. The same Lord who will wipe your tears away takes note of those same tears today, and He keeps them in a bottle. He promises to be near to you when you are brokenhearted. He must be close today.  

 So grieve as you need to. Just don’t grieve as those who have no hope. Your tears will end one day, and you’ll see your babies again. It’s an appointment I know you’ll want to keep.  

 

I love hearing from you. Please email me at

beth@sarahs-laughter.com and tell me your story.
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Copyright © 2016 Sarah’s Laughter, All rights reserved. 

  

The “age” thing

Deboko1 Comment

make-dreams-happenI get excited about the news of my friends becoming pregnant or anyone who has tried for a while becomes a parent, especially if they’re over 40.

I believe women have it tough with our biological clock and all… so the story of a 40 something year old becoming a mum excites me…I am not sure why I get excited this way, maybe it’s something to do with the miracle of a child developing through the stages in a woman’s body.

So the news of Janet Jackson expecting her first child at the age of 50, was sweet music to my ears. I don’t know her story, I don’t know if she tried to conceive several times or not, I am not sure. But here’s what I do know, to be pregnant at 50 is medically classed as high risk, almost impossible. Being married to a medical doctor I know my husband constantly reminded me of the facts of having babies beyond 40 while we were trying.

Medically as a woman ages, it takes longer to conceive and the risk of not being able to get pregnant increases. Also, the risk of miscarriages, complications in pregnancy and childbirth, increases.
Starting at about age 32, a woman’s chances of conceiving decrease gradually but significantly, from age 35, the fertility decline speeds up. By age 40, fertility has fallen by half. At 30, the chances of conceiving each month is about 20%. At 40 it is around 5%. This post details when to seek help. Infertility: When to seek help

Hence my excitement at the news of any woman who becomes pregnant at any age above 35 especially age 40 and above…. it is nothing short of a miracle….

The stats are there: facts not fictions, however, there is hope for anyone who is over 35 onwards, as the stats also shows that., for the first time in decades ‘older mothers’ I.e. over 35s are now more than under 35s.

If you really have a desire to be a parent, woe betide me or anyone else who tries to quench the fire of your hopes and dreams. The desire to become a mum or dad is God given and unless he takes that desire away, never ever give up hope to believe against all odds, that you will become a parent.

I don’t know Janet’s story, did she try for a long time? Did she had any miscarriages? Maybe she did, maybe she didn’t, regardless she’s an expectant mum at 50… that’s encouraging. 

If you are out there reading this post, be encouraged by it, fuel your zeal with faith, don’t give up on your quest towards becoming a parent , no matter what, try, try. Try, again…

 

Your partner in Hope

D’Ebi

 

Related article: Causes Of Infertility In Women 

Unclog Your Mind

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Blog GraphicIt’s summertime and for me it means time to clear out. Clear cupboards of old canned foods, clear out closet, sort out some old paper cabinets, my email box is not excluded, I go over emails which I haven’t had the time to delete.  Nothing is left out during my summer clearing out.

This got me thinking about our minds and brain which processed so much information daily, weekly, monthly and yearly. We clog them up with both wanted and unwanted stuff. We worry about any and everything.

Infertility makes it worse, we are constantly thinking about our situation, we live and breath it.

Just like our cupboards, closet and cabinets which needs sorting out, so does our minds, we need to daily Purge our minds of the stuff which we have allowed to settle.  We are admonished to be of a clean and pure heart.

James 4:8 tells us to purify our hearts, Matthew 23.25. Jesus had strong words to say about the state of the heart. We take so much care of the exterior but inside is full of rotten bones “strong words” indeed.

So straight from my heart is this encouragement for us to, empty out, the negatives, offences, hurt, disappointments, bitterness and guilt. Release all pain and live space within you for joy, love, peace and happiness.

Holding on to things which should be flush out builds up toxins. Bitterness, guilt and worry are infections, holding on to them infects us.

Dealing with infertility, miscarriage and stillbirth can be the start of having a clogged up mind.

Are you holding on to infections like anger and worry? Empty your mind of these feelings, by going over what’s accumulated during the course of the day.

It may appear to be futile exercise but soon you will notice a change in you, a freedom to live without any of the old feelings.

When you make room, your life will be full of good things, joy indescribable and full of glory.

Begin to clear out today for a clean fresh start.

 

Your Partner in Hope

 

D’Ebi

Avoid Depression 

Deboko1 Comment

free PrintablesA wait that is hopeful is a wait that looks forward expectantly, purposely and joyously.

A wait which strengthens and prepares your heart for what you expect. What use is there in being miserable on the journey? Easy to say unh? Unfortunately misery often accompanied me while I waited for my little bean.

I thought I was strong, always the positive one until I couldn’t get pregnant. I kept it together for a while until the questions started coming. Questions from well meaning friends and foes. The scale finally tilted and I almost caved in to depression.

A subtle, creepy creature sneaks in, often  from a reaction to  an angry outburst, or insensitive slur it comes unannounced taking hold of its prey.

I felt I was losing control of my emotions and started feeling helpless. I sought help and found out that  the following can be a sign of depression:shake it off

Helplessness: research have shown that whenever we are depressed, we usually experience a feeling of helplessness. Our feelings are brought about by our thoughts which produces fruits. Good fruits or bad fruits.

If you constantly think thoughts like “why us/me”? “everyone is having a baby but me”, “will I ever have kids”?, “I give up”. This will be followed by a feeling of helplessness, which in turn leads to misery characterised by constant tears. 

Deep sadness: as he thinks, so he is. Infertility is a cause of misery which leads to deep sadness. An indescribable feeling which also leads to feelings of helplessness.

If you constantly dwell on the negative, joy and peace will elude you. How can you expect to feel great when your heart is heavy from pain. 

Feelings of rejection: as our thoughts leads to deep sadness in time we may begin to feel rejected. This feeling is a worse state of being because we may fall into the trap of interpreting the actions of everyone based on our issues.

I decided to do something about my mental state to avoid going over the edge.

  1.  Talk about my feelings: I started opening up about my feeling and soon found release. You can go for counselling if you do not want to feel vulnerable in front of friends. Your local clinic or health centre may be able to recommend a good counselling clinic. There might be sessions for those struggling to conceive, with programs designed to help deal with  depression.
  2. I decided to be joyful on  purpose: Your mind is the control room of your whole body. It sends signal to your brain, heart and body. Feed it with good and positive things and out of it will come joy. 

  3. Find inspiration around you: be inspired when you hear a good news story, either on the news or from a magazine or a kind act. Train mind to focus on the good concerning your situation. Controlling your thought is the first step in achieving freedom from depression. img_2580

  4. Be anchored to hope: hope is what keeps you going, believing and trying. Hopes is the tread which keeps you tied to the dream. If you don’t keep your hopes up, they will go down and soon you will drift away from your dreams, faith and beliefs. Be a prisoner to hope, build a strong resolved to try and trust again. Be convinced about something good coming your way.

  5. Pray: prayer really helped me let go of the hurt, pain and disappointment I felt from not falling pregnant. In praying we can release the heavy burden, sadness, helplessness and depression to God. In prayer, we become free.

I am not denying the fact that there will be days when tears is all you’ve got, when the pain of trying weighs you down. The pain is real and present. However, deciding to enjoy life and live free from depression may be the push you need to get  through it. 

Remember: the clouds will come, then it gives way to the sun. Every downpour will cease, trouble and pain will be followed by gain, we may understand some and  others we may not.

So whatever season you are in right now,  remember, after a while this too shall pass.

Your Friend and Partner in Hope

 

D’Ebi